common boundry

Excerpts from "The Wisdom of Listening"

article: Feeding one another

by: Anne and Charles Simpkinson

"Without adequate amounts of psychologically nutritious communications, people cannot nurture love or develop intimacy. Instead they compensate for these things by becoming self-centered, acquisitive, and power-hungry, among other things."

"...The result of these misunderstandings is that our need for adequate psychological nutrition often gets ignored or ridiculed as a form of self-indulgence. From today's perspective, our forebears were silent about these matters because their values and behaviors were part and parcel of a sociological web made up of social role, status, and institutional identification. one could get along in the world without developing an awareness of one's inner self as the agent or organizer of experience because one's social grouping-one's tribe-provided the values, direction, principles, and code behavior that formed one's identity and defined one's place in the world. Today the development of an inner self is necessary for providing direction because many of the old external supports no longer function as a compass and guide. "

DEVELOPING A HEALTHY EGO

"Children form their sense of self from what they see reflected in their parent's eyes and facial expressions. For example, the British psychoanalyst D.W. Winnicott has written that a mother's face, especially in the early weeks of an infant's life, serves as a mirror for the tiny new person. It is less important for a mother to actually look at her child, and more important that she reflects the child's expressions. If the mother(or father) does not mirror back the child's expressions, the child will not receive validation of its existence. As Winnicott explains: "When I (the infant) look, I am seen, so I exist." With the basic ego groundwork in place, the child can then look out again and see the world and interact with it."

Psychologist Daniel Goleman observes from the research of Psychiatrist Daniel Stern that "prolonged absence of attunement between a parent and child takes a tremendous toll on the child"

"If a parent isn't attuned to the child's emotions-to delight, sadness, distress, need for security-then the child will begin to avoid expressing, or possibly even feeling, these emotions. Thus, if the parent does not reflect back a caring, valuing, accepting view of the child as she is, the child will develop a similar set of noncaring, nonvaluing eyes with which to view herself. Accordingly, the child will begin to believe she is unacceptable, unlovable, of no value, and will cover up her real self in an attempt to become whatever she believes will gain her love and acceptance, thereby reducing her fear of abandonment. She will adopt a false face or "mask" that she hopes will appear more pleasing and therefore earn more positive responses."

ways to develop nourish your self worth

-find a hobby that resonates well with you

-listen to music that resonates with you

-watch movies that resonate with you

-find art that resonates with you

-find people that resonate with you